Today is Motivation Monday. I had a rough week last week. I got into a pretty dark place...a place that I don't really ever want to go again. I tried to pull myself out of it, the blog helped, but it was ugly and emotional and horrible. On Saturday I determined that I would let myself wallow in my pity party (I refer to it as my pity party, although I know it goes much deeper than that) until Monday and then it was time to do something about it. Well, I wallowed for a little while, but by Sunday afternoon I was ready to be proactive. I set up a plan for the week and I went to the library and checked out some books for this week...anyway, I was ready. By the time I put Riley to bed I was ready to wallow a little more. I flipped back and forth between football and glee and found myself crying...a lot...over nothing.
Side note: I've decided to stop taking the melatonin for now. It definitely helps me sleep, but it gives me really, really vivid dreams and, for now, the content of those dreams are making me in real life a pretty big mess.
I woke up this morning with new resolve. I am ready for a new week...but I may still need some motivation. Here are my goals for the week:
Work out 4 days this week. I realize that when I consistently get to the gym I feel better. I feel emotionally better because I have accomplished something I set out to do. I feel physically better because...well, I think that doesn't need an explanation. It helps me to eat better because I don't want to out-eat my workout. When I don't work out I not only don't get those benefits, but I get the opposite, my mind and body feel crappy. That should be motivation enough, right? Here's a little extra
Eat better. What does that mean? I have no idea. Lately my nutrition has been awful. Some days I don't eat at all and some days I eat far too much, it just kind of depends on how I feel that day. Today marks the beginning of a 10-day workplace wellness challenge at my job. We are on teams of 3 and we have 20 tasks that we can accomplish each day. The team with the most tasks accomplished at the end of 10-days wins. Some of them are really easy like give a compliment or wear your seatbelt. Some of them are a little tougher like walk 8,000 steps (about 4 miles) or put down your cell phone while driving. Some of them are really hard like no soft drinks for the day or eat no foods with partially hydrogenated oils (hello label reading!) 9 out of the 20 challenges are about food or drink both what you should and shouldn't eat. I think this will help me to eat consistently and healthier which is a good thing. So my motivation for eating better is easy (at least for the next 2 weeks)...I want to win!
Get out of this funk. I have books to read to help me understand my emotions in going through what I'm going through. I want to finish at least 1 of these books this week. I have "homework" that will help to me deal with some of my self-worth issues that I am having right now. I have to make a list of 20 things that I should be proud of myself for. Right now this seems daunting, but I'm hoping that once I get started it will be easier than I thought it would be. I have to press in and seek God. I was pretty mad at God last week. That seems ridiculous now. He didn't go anywhere. I'm frustrated because I feel like I am doing everything that I am supposed to do, I am doing everything "right" and it's still not working (meaning it's not working the way that I think it should). But, I have to get to a place of complete surrender. Where it doesn't matter what my life looks like as long as it looks like what He wants it to look like. I have to surrender to His will and His way. I never considered myself a control freak, but I feel so out of control right now that I guess I'm grasping onto any semblance of control in an effort to not lose it, but in reality I just need to let go and realize that nothing I do can fix my life. He has to. Words are easy, meaning them are hard.
Trust God
Love myself
Learn from life
Hope you have a Happy Monday!
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