Midweek Confessions

It's that time again. Time for Midweek Confessions. I'm not sure if emyselfandi is having a midweek confessions this week, but if so I'll link up (and you should too!)



*I don't really know my cousins very well. When I was a kid growing up in Oklahoma we would visit my grandma and poppo's house every Sunday. Often our cousins would be there and we would play. Cousins would visit from out of state and we would be best friends in an instant. I haven't seen my cousins in years. From what I know from facebook and updates from my parents I have some amazing cousins. No offense to the boys, but the women in my extended family are some of the most incredible people ever. I really want to reconnect with these awesome people.


*I'm a princess (but that's not my confession). In spite of being a princess I really love karate lately. I started doing karate a little over a year ago and then took a break when things in my marriage started going downhill. I was out for about 5 months and Riley and I joined back up a few weeks ago. Getting back in the dojo has been awesome for me. I get a great workout and I get the opportunity to get out some aggression. It's also one of the first activities outside of church and friends that I've done out from Terry's shadow. It's nice to go in there and just be Ali. It's nice to not look over every 5 seconds to see what Terry's doing or if he wants to work together or if he has an opinion on the technique I'm working on. I get to focus on myself for that 45 minutes. I've also found that I'm pretty good at it. I don't know how long I will pursue martial arts, but for now it's awesome.


*All right, time for an embarrassing one. I really like teen dramas. When I was a teenager there were TV shows like Party of Five, Dawson's Creek, and My So-Called Life. Shows in which teenagers came of age and discovered boys, drinking, and a whole mess of other issues that teenagers are faced with. I wasn't allowed to watch these shows. Now that I am a grown-up I have discovered that I really like teen dramas. Currently I can't stop watching 90210 (the new version, not the one from the 90s), Make it or Break it and Switched at Birth. I blame Netflix. If it weren't for Netflix I wouldn't even know these shows existed. I am almost 30 years old and I should be watching things like Mad Men and Crime Shows, but no, I'm watching teen drama. Maybe I am trying to see what I missed out on as a teenager, maybe I just want to deal with simpler things right now. Who knows?


*I really like rain. I love the sunshine, but I love to be out in the rain. I love to walk in the rain, dance in the rain, kiss in the rain. I don't like when rain ruins my outdoor plans or if my hair is straightened and I have to go somewhere and it's raining, but other than that I love it. I love how the rain feels pouring over you like it is washing everything away. I love how the sound drowns out so many others and sometimes my own thoughts. I love it because it's something that no one can control, that it happens whether we want it to or not.

Rain |

*I'm addicted to Chili Cheese Fritos. Seriously. I can't stop eating them. They may be one of the worst "foods" in the world, but they are oh so delicious. Why can't I be addicted to spinach or brussel sprouts?


So, an update from last week's confessions. I started a new book. I randomly picked out Redemption by Karen Kingsbury. My sister and niece both rave about Karen Kingsbury so I picked out book 1 of a series. I started reading it last night and in the first 100 pages a man had an affair, fell in love with the other woman, told the wife he wanted a divorce, and moved out...all in excruciating detail. Subsequently I have cried through the entire first 1/4 of this book. Awesome choice, Ali. Hopefully it gets better and will actually help me gain perspective on my situation rather than keep me the blubbering mess that I am with every turn of the page.


Have a Happy Wednesday!

Midweek Confessions

So, I found this fun blog called e, myself and i and every Wednesday she does a Midweek Confession. So, this week I am linking up and you should too!



*I love therapy. I think that everyone should go to therapy. I went this morning and something about it makes me feel so centered and sane and normal. I'm learning how to deal with huge issues in my life as well as little things that I can do to become a more complete, better individual. I highly recommend it!


*Lately I am obsessed with hot wing sauce. I want buffalo chicken pizza, buffalo chicken sandwiches, buffalo cornbread, buffalo mac and cheese. I can't get enough. It makes my mouth burn and sometimes gives me heartburn, but I still want it for every meal.


*I hate folding laundry. I don't have a problem washing and drying the laundry. Riley and I always have clean clothes to wear, I just really hate folding it and putting it away! So, I have 3 baskets of clean laundry sitting in my laundry room ready to be folded and put away and I just can't make myself do it. I especially hate matching socks!


*I love to read, but lately I have no inspiration for books. This makes me sad. I have a whole stack at home that I want to read and a huge list that I want to get from the library but something in me just doesn't feel like it. Hopefully this passes soon!


*I love shiny, sparkly things. Okay, so maybe this isn't much of a confession. How about this one...When I really don't want to clean the house I sometimes put on my tiara and it makes cleaning more fun. I may or may not have done this more than one time in the last week. Oh well, it's fun to be a princess!


So there are my Midweek Confessions...that was fun!

Almost there

Blogging is a little tough right now. On the one hand I want to write light and fluffy because it makes me feel better. On the other hand I want to write deep and profound because that’s where my head is at these days. So, then I just don’t write anything at all and that’s not good either. So what do I write about today? I don’t know. Let’s see where it goes, lol.

When I look out my window at work this is what I see
See those trees across the parking lot? A few short weeks ago they were bare. I don’t like bare trees. I think that they look ugly and lifeless and angry and hard and sinister. One day I saw a few buds starting to form on the trees, it was getting warmer so I knew that it wouldn’t be long until I didn’t have to look at ugly, bare trees out my window anymore. One day I looked up and out my window and somehow, without me noticing these trees had filled out with all the pretty, green leaves that you see in the picture above.

When I lived in Florida I used to go walk on the beach early in the morning. A lot of times the sky looked a lot like this

Starry and with just the tiniest hint of daytime starting to show up. A lot of times before I knew it and without really noticing the sky would turn into something like this

Night was over and morning had officially begun.

I think this is what happens in our lives sometimes, at least it does in my life. You go through something and you get so focused on what a hard time you are having. You see little glimpses of hope, but the end seems so far away and then one day you realize that it’s over. Morning has come. Spring is here. You realize that you got through it.

I’m in the in-between stage right now. I see glimpses of morning but it’s not quite here yet. This is my wall at work

It’s fun colors and shapes and Bible verses and quotes to remind me that as long as I keep trusting God then I’m going to get through this. That morning will come.

"...Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

Writer's Block

I've had a little bit of writer's block lately. I'll open up a new blog start to type a little and then just get stuck. I guess I just haven't known what I want to say, what I want to share. I'm having a hard time lately...interspersed with some okay times. It's weird.

There are times that I don't know what to feel...I don't know what to do. I mean, what do you do when the person you love more than anyone in the world stops loving you? What do you do when that person not only stops loving you but starts hating you with a vehemence you didn't know was possible? I am not one who deals well with being disliked, let alone hated, let alone by someone that I love so much.

There are times that I feel tentatively okay. I give my hurt, my anger, my fear, my jealousy to God and I have a little bit of peace...and then I feel guilty...like I'm not supposed to be okay...my marriage is ending. I'm starting to realize that it's not that I'm okay with my marriage ending, I'm very much NOT okay with that, in fact it is devastating and I feel crushed by it...often, but I'm beginning to find a little bit of peace and refuge in the midst (I like that word) of a storm...and that's okay.

There are times that I feel alone...and like I always will be. These are the times that I fall into a complete pity-party. Times when I'm home alone at night and I'm lonely. I miss companionship, I miss love, I miss cuddling, I miss my best friend. These times are usually quickly amended. I have so many amazing friends and wonderful family. I ran into one of these times last weekend. I didn't have Riley last weekend and I hadn't made any plans. Friday rolled around and I was planning on just having a weekend all by myself. I was going to go hiking, lay around and watch TV and generally just feel sorry for myself. I got a call on Friday from my lovely friend, Andrea, asking me what I was doing on Friday night and inviting me to a movie on Saturday. My sister, Missy, called to see if I wanted to hang out on Saturday or Sunday. And, another wonderful friend, Kristen, wanted to see if I could go to dinner Saturday night with an old friend who was in town. I ended up having a nicely full, but not too busy weekend. I had some time by myself to be alone, to reflect on some things, to cry a little, but then I also got to surround myself with friends and family. I know I've said it over and over, but I'm so thankful for this web of love and support that God has placed into my life.

There are times that I question why God has me here right now. It's hard. It hurts. It's scary. But I know that ultimately He is in control. My church is doing a series on the Book of Ruth (if you haven't read it you should. It's in the Bible and it's really short, only 4 chapters.). It's a series called "Beautiful Things" and it's about how God takes things that look like a big mess and turns them into something beautiful. I believe that's what He is doing in my life right now. I just want Him to turn me into what He wants me to be. I want Him to take my life and do with it whatever He wants. I just want my story to bring Him glory. And I think it will.

So, there's a little of what I've been feeling lately...the good and the bad. Hopefully I'll find something light and fluffy to write about soon ;)

Old Habits

Okay, So last year I worked really, really hard and lost 49 pounds (that stupid 50th pound alluded me!). Then the holidays hit and I was up about 5 pounds or so and then I learned that I could eat pretty much how I wanted to and exercise minimally and stay where I was, fluctuating between 49 and 45 pounds lost. I became really comfortable with that. I knew that I wanted to lose more weight, but where I was was easy. It took no effort. It was comfortable. Well, as life has continued to change and become more and more uncertain and more and more painful I began to fall into the old habit of turning to food for comfort. Food doesn't ever let you down. Food is always there. Food makes me happy. Holy emotional eater!!! I stopped stepping on the scale because I was scared of what I was going to see. I finally did yesterday. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, but that number has started to creep back up and I'm hovering around 41 pounds lost. It's still not "that bad," but I worked hard for those 8 pounds that I just added back on to my body and now I have to work hard to take them back off! I'm ready though. I'm ready to count my calories, to hit the gym, to take off those 8 pounds and so much more. I'm ready to reach for my goals. Why? Because I'm worth it. Because I deserve to be happy with my body and to feel good about the way that I look. I don't have some massive workout plan that I'm going to follow and stick with and feel like crap if I miss a workout. I'm just going to eat a little less and move a little more. I may join karate again. Maybe I'll start going to classes at the gym. I have a resolution to reach my goal weight by my 30th birthday which would mean losing 44 pounds in the next 145 days. That's a tall order. But, if I don't get there by my birthday I don't get there by my birthday. I just want to keep going the right direction. I don't want to stay the same. I don't want to be comfortable. Comfortable is what got me fat and unhappy in the first place! So, I started yesterday. I walked 3 1/2 miles and spent 2 hours at the gym sweatin' it up.

According to my FitBit I had over 30,000 steps which was equal to over 18 miles! That's a good start! Every day won't be like that, but yesterday was a good one. I don't want to turn to food for comfort anymore. I want to exercise or call a friend or do something productive instead. Small changes. Creating new habits to replace the old. I'll get there.

Protect your Boat

Running from God, disobeying, not fulfilling your call...sound like anyone you know? Well, I'm specifically talking about Jonah. My lovely friend, Andrea, told me about a sermon she heard when she was a teenager about Jonah. I thought about the things that she told me and I went back and re-read the first chapter of Jonah and learned so much. Jonah deliberately disobeyed the call of God on his life. God said go this way and he went the opposite way. When Jonah boarded the ship to Tarshish God sent a great storm. Now, something that never struck me until I talked with Andrea and re-read it for myself was that Jonah, by disobeying God, put not only his life at risk but he also risked the lives of all the other people on that boat. When we allow people into our lives (on our boat if you will) who are disobeying God we put our lives at risk. Now, something else I realized in this chapter is this: at the end of the chapter the sailors threw Jonah into the sea and the storm stopped. They were awestruck by God's power and began to serve God. Sometimes when we remove the people from our lives who are disobeying God we are able to see His power calm the storms in our lives.

Just something to think about :)

Leap Day

So, it's leap day. I've never really thought about leap day being that big of a deal, but I figured that since it only comes along once every 4 years I don't want to miss the opportunity to blog on this day.

I like leap years. You get the summer olympics


Presidential Elections


and...ummm....those cool people who are born on February 29th


I think from this year forward leap years will always remind me of great change. At least this one is going to be a year of great change. Anyone up for an adventure? I know I am. Bring it on.