Anxious

I have opened a new blog post about 70 bajillion times in the last few days. I just can't seem to get my thoughts straight. They are kind of all over the place. The thing is, nothing is different. Nothing has changed. A few noteworthy things have happened over the last week or so, but nothing that should be throwing me so much. My thoughts are everywhere, my mind is always racing, and I am anxious...and I don't know why. So, let's write this jumble down and see where it takes us.

I moving!! In this post I talked about the decision I was faced with about possibly moving to Pittsburgh, PA. After a lot of talking and prayer and anxiety over trying to make everyone happy (which is impossible, btw) I decided to do it. It's scary. I will be moving on December 27 (4 weeks from today) and as bittersweet as this move is, I am ready. I gave my boss my notice of resignation last week. If you know me at all you know that I hate to disappoint people and I hate when people are mad at me. Giving my boss my notice was causing me a lot of stress, but she took it well. I'm sad to leave my job. I love working for the Y and will miss it a lot.

Thanksgiving. Last week was Thanksgiving. I usually love holidays, but this year...well, it's been a little rough. This year was the first time in 8 years that I didn't spend Thanksgiving with Riley. I felt like a piece of my heart was missing...well, it kind of was. Riley left last Wednesday to drive down to Florida with his grandparents to spend Thanksgiving with his dad. I woke up very early Thanksgiving morning and volunteered at the Y for the Turkey Day Family Fun Run and then went home and got ready and had lunch with my sister and brother-in-law and his family. I spent the evening playing board games and eating dessert with one of my best friends and her family and wrapped up the night with a cold beer and a basketball game. It was a great day. Wonderful people, delicious food, football, lots of kids running around that I was in no way responsible for...but I missed my baby and I missed what Thanksgiving used to be. I suppose it's all in finding the new normal. Riley came back on Sunday and spent a good 30 minutes cuddled up in my lap telling me about his trip and that he missed me and giving me random hugs and kisses. That felt more normal.

Not much else is going on. Like I said, not a lot has changed. I did clinch playoff spots in both of my fantasy football leagues. That was my goal for the season so I'm happy. I just need to shake off this anxiety and settle into these last 4 weeks in Kentucky and savor every moment. I'll work on that.

Midweek Confessions

It's been a little while since I've linked up with e for a Midweek Confession. So, here we go.


*I'm not really looking forward to the holidays this year. Riley won't be with me for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I have some major changes taking place right after Christmas (details coming soon, I promise!). My family is spread (literally) all across the county and we aren't getting together for Christmas (insert super-sad, puppy-dog face here) and I just feel a little Scrooge-y. However, on Christmas Day the new Les Miserables movie comes out and I will be there to see it (even if I have to sit in a dark movie theater by myself on Christmas Day...wow that sounds pathetic sad!). So, the girl that is usually filled with Christmas spirit by the time Halloween rolls around is all "Bah-humbug" and is only looking forward to Christmas because of a movie.


*When the Packers are on a bye week I feel a little lost. Yep, I'm so in love with Green Bay football that I don't know what to do with myself when they don't play. Last Sunday was their bye week and I was sad. I am glad that they had a week to get healthy, but no Clay Matthews on the tv does not make me smile.


*I felt very melancholy and angsty earlier this week so I baked 7 dozen cookies and made s'more krispie treats. I felt better. I split the cookies between work and my sister and took the s'more krispie treats to Bible Study. I don't generally eat the things that I bake, but I will admit that the cookies were really good! Now I just have to decide what I'm baking for Thanksgiving.


*Riley's new favorite song is "King of New York" from Newsies and I couldn't be happier about it. In case you have never heard of Newsies it is a 1992 Disney musical about the newsies (paperboys) strike of 1899 in New York City. It stars Batman Christian Bale. It is my favorite movie ever and I strongly suggest you watch it immediately.


I suppose that's about it for this week. You should write your own confessions, it's good for the soul and all that.

Apathy kinda sucks

Earlier today I tweeted this

And I mean it! But, I figured my blog wasn't going to write itself, so even though I'm unmotivated I need to sit down and do it anyway.
This seems to be a pattern in my life reaching back as far as I can remember. Whether it is school, relationships, work, housework, whatever if I am under pressure I dig in and work hard and get done what needs to be done, but if there is no pressure...forget it.

For example:
When I was in high school I managed to go to cheerleading practice or a basketball game 4-5 nights a week, attend church/choir practice/drama practice/bible study 4-5 nights a week, play on the soccer team, have a boyfriend, spend time with friends, have a job, juggle a slew of other extracurriculars, and keep up a 4.0 GPA. Crazy! Granted, I had my moments where I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown, but mostly I fit everything in and got everything done. Kind of like a jigsaw puzzle. However, when I was in the "off season" generally the 6 weeks of no cheerleading that coincided with that stretch of school where both students and teachers are burnt out, my grades started to slip a little, I couldn't find time to do homework, I didn't want to hang out with friends, and I felt like I could never get anything done even though I had way more time to do everything.

Another example:
I let my marriage slide. I just let things happen. I didn't work on my relationship. I didn't pray for or with my husband. It just didn't seem like a priority. When things started to get bad that's when I dug in and prayed and worked and did everything that I knew how to do to save my marriage. It didn't work. It was too little too late.

So, why am I so apathetic when there is no pressure? Why do I do so well when there is? And how do I stay motivated when I'm not crazy-busy?

No answers this time, just questions. If you have the answers let me know :)

Also, this

Just because it made me smile

Moving, Illness, Voting, Fantasy Football, and Looking forward to what's ahead

Whew, It's been a pretty busy couple of weeks!

A couple of weeks ago I moved! I left my first house that I lived in for 5 1/2 years and moved in, temporarily, with some amazing friends that have opened their home to Riley, Minion, and I for the next 2 months. Where are we going after that? We'll talk about that soon. It's going well so far. We get along well and it's lovely to spend time with Joe and Sara, which was always hard to come by before we lived there.

This was me, but I was much less smiley after the 3rd or 4th load!

I was super sick last week. It was pretty awful. I had a 102.4 fever (it never got any higher than that, but would always come back to that point. Weird.) for 5 days that seemed to get worse with any kind of measure to control it (tylenol, ibuprofen, etc.). My whole body hurt and I walked hobbled around in a fog for a week. Oh, and I was cranky...like really, really cranky! But, I woke up Saturday morning feeling much better.


Yesterday I voted. I wasn't going to. I feel like the Presidential race is so much bigger than me. I know that I live in a state that will be Red no matter who I vote for so what does it matter, right? Wrong. There's so much more on that ballot than the Presidential candidate. I live in a small town in a small county. I was voting for representatives, judges, and school board members. My vote may not count toward who becomes President, but it might make a difference on a local level and that's what matters to me on a daily basis. That, and I wanted the cool sticker.


The Green Bay Packers are on a nice litte winning streak. They're dealing with a ton of injuries, including my boys Jordy Nelson and Clay Matthews. They have a bye week this week though so hopefully that will give them a chance to get healthy. My fantasy football teams are looking good as well. In my current church's league I am in 1st place and am on a 7-game winning streak...not too shabby. In my old church league I am in 2nd place and am on a 5-game winning streak. I love football.


How yummy is he?! And wouldn't we be cute together?

My first session of Bible school and my Ladies Bible Study are both coming to a close and I am forlorn. It's been a fantastic 8 weeks. I have studied Women of the Bible with an amzaing group of 8 other women. I feel like leading that group has grown and stretched me in ways that I wasn't expecting. This will be my last Ladies Bible study at RCWC and that is very bittersweet. I'm so proud of my girls and everything that they have done through this study and I know that they will be just fine without me, but I will miss them! Bible school has been fantastic. This last session I took Bible Doctrines, How to Study the Bible, and Righteousness. The first two classes were fairly basic and review for me, but the class on righteousness was amazing. It's a tough concept to grasp, but if you can get it it can truly set you free. I'm not sure what classes are coming up next for me, but I'm excited to continue on this journey, and I'm really excited to share about the things coming up in my life. That post is coming soon...in like 2 weeks :)

These aren't my girls, but don't they look happy!