Has it really been 2 weeks since my last blog?! Oops! I've got a little bit going on right now, not anything huge. While reading over what I've written I realize that this maybe should have been more than one blog, but stick with me, there's some good stuff in here.
Riley and I went to visit my parents in Pittsburgh over Labor Day weekend. It's about a 6 1/2 hour drive, so not too bad. Riley is a fantastic traveler...he always has been. On both the way there and the way back we listened to a book on CD, he played his DS a little, but surprisingly not too much, we snacked, and only had to stop a couple of times (on the way back we only stopped once!). Minion was a different story. Despite being given a dog-sized dose of Dramamine she got car sick...a lot. She did much better on the way home, but that dog definitely does not like car rides! It was a good trip. We haven't been to visit them since they moved a little over a year ago. We got to visit their church and meet their friends and we did a little bit of touristy stuff, but we mainly got to spend time together and I got to take naps. It was a successful mini-vaca.
Downtown Pittsburgh, Heinz Field, and Three Rivers
NFL regular season kicked off last night (Finally!) As you well know I have been waiting for this day for 6 long months! I had a fantasy football draft last night while we watched the game. This is my second fantasy football league and it's with all boys. I don't mind being the only girl playing with the boys, but it is a little intimidating to sit in a room full of boys having to make your team picks. I know what I'm doing and I know what I'm talking about when it comes to fantasy football and why I draft who I draft, but there was a part of me that felt like I had to prove myself...I wonder what that's about? I can definitely jump in and be "one of the guys," but I'm pretty sure that my sighing over the Clay Matthews commercial that they played over and over and over again seemed to remind everyone that I am definitely still a girl...come on, look how yummy
Oh, sorry, the game. The Cowboys beat the Giants 24 to 17 (much to the pleasure of my older brother Paul) and became the first team in the history of the current opening game format (The reigning Superbowl Champs play in a weeknight opening game at home) to beat the current Superbowl Champs...sorry Giants :( oh, and Ahmad Bradshaw got me 14 fantasy points...not a bad start to the season!
Over the last 9 months I have been faced with decisions I never anticipated making in my life. If you remember back in my New Year's Resolution post one of my New Year's resolutions was to move to Florida this year. This was my intention...a deep desire of my heart. I still want to move to Florida. This is still a deep desire of my heart. I just don't know that the timing is for this year. Here's the thing. I am now a 30-year-old, divorced, single mother who is starting her life over...not really something you plan on. During my marriage we made a decision to put my husband through school and focus on his career so that he could be successful, be promoted, put us in a good financial situation so that I could then stay at home and at that point finish my education. Well, we put my husband through school, he was promoted, he was successful, then he left. Right now the reality is I could move to Florida, get a job or two, live paycheck to paycheck and figure out how to make ends meet. I could, somehow, go back to school in the midst of this and maybe 10 years down the road or so I could begin to possibly have some sort of career and dig myself out of the financial holes that I am in now and that will ultimately get deeper as I struggle through the next long stretch of life. I don't want that. I don't want that for me and I don't want that for Riley. I could stay in Louisville with a scenario similar to the one that I just portrayed. I don't want that for us either. So, what's the other option? I could move us to Pittsburgh for a little while. My parents have graciously offered their home, their time, and their wisdom to help me. By moving to Pittsburgh I would have the opportunity to get a job or two, not live paycheck to paycheck, but to work my way out of debt, complete or at least complete more of my education, and put Riley and myself in the best possible situation that I can to eventually move to Florida. Seems like a good idea, right? So what's stopping me from jumping on this option? A few things.
1. I want to make sure that God is okay with it. As good as a plan may look on paper, if it's not what God wants it isn't going to work.
2. My ex-husband. Terry, knowing that the deep desire of my heart was to move to Florida this year, moved with his girlfriend to Florida in May. As much as I wanted to move to Florida this year, and ideally this summer, I had no solid plans in place to do so, and sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to. Regardless of intentions, motives, or timing of anyone's move, the fact remains that if we move to Pittsburgh Riley will be there while his dad is 900 miles away in Florida. I don't love this idea. I think that they can still have a relationship, I think they can still have a good relationship, even with the distance. I think it will take hard work and creativity, but it can be done.
3. Riley. Riley is okay with this idea. We talked about it and he thinks it would be cool to live with Mama and Pop in Pittsburgh for a while. I know that he would much rather live in our house and go to his school and for everything to stay the way he's always known it, but unfortunately that isn't an option. I am nervous about moving him away from what he's always known. I'm nervous about then moving him again a couple years later to a whole new state. I know that he's a kid and he's pretty resilient.How the divorce and the choices of his dad and myself will affect him is actually a far bigger concern for me than a big move. Moves can be exciting and adventurous and making new friends is fun and he's really good at it. But I still hesitate. Why? Because I am a mother. Because I want what is best for my son. Because I would do anything to protect him from any pain, discomfort, or trauma.
So why am I even considering a giant move to an unknown land? Because I am a mother. Because I want what is best for my son. Because I want to give him the best life that I can. Because I think that a stop in Pittsburgh may be exactly what we need on this journey to healing.
I'll be making a decision very soon, so if you think about it pray that I make the right one. Thanks :) Oh, and Go Pack!