Moving, Illness, Voting, Fantasy Football, and Looking forward to what's ahead

Whew, It's been a pretty busy couple of weeks!

A couple of weeks ago I moved! I left my first house that I lived in for 5 1/2 years and moved in, temporarily, with some amazing friends that have opened their home to Riley, Minion, and I for the next 2 months. Where are we going after that? We'll talk about that soon. It's going well so far. We get along well and it's lovely to spend time with Joe and Sara, which was always hard to come by before we lived there.

This was me, but I was much less smiley after the 3rd or 4th load!

I was super sick last week. It was pretty awful. I had a 102.4 fever (it never got any higher than that, but would always come back to that point. Weird.) for 5 days that seemed to get worse with any kind of measure to control it (tylenol, ibuprofen, etc.). My whole body hurt and I walked hobbled around in a fog for a week. Oh, and I was cranky...like really, really cranky! But, I woke up Saturday morning feeling much better.


Yesterday I voted. I wasn't going to. I feel like the Presidential race is so much bigger than me. I know that I live in a state that will be Red no matter who I vote for so what does it matter, right? Wrong. There's so much more on that ballot than the Presidential candidate. I live in a small town in a small county. I was voting for representatives, judges, and school board members. My vote may not count toward who becomes President, but it might make a difference on a local level and that's what matters to me on a daily basis. That, and I wanted the cool sticker.


The Green Bay Packers are on a nice litte winning streak. They're dealing with a ton of injuries, including my boys Jordy Nelson and Clay Matthews. They have a bye week this week though so hopefully that will give them a chance to get healthy. My fantasy football teams are looking good as well. In my current church's league I am in 1st place and am on a 7-game winning streak...not too shabby. In my old church league I am in 2nd place and am on a 5-game winning streak. I love football.


How yummy is he?! And wouldn't we be cute together?

My first session of Bible school and my Ladies Bible Study are both coming to a close and I am forlorn. It's been a fantastic 8 weeks. I have studied Women of the Bible with an amzaing group of 8 other women. I feel like leading that group has grown and stretched me in ways that I wasn't expecting. This will be my last Ladies Bible study at RCWC and that is very bittersweet. I'm so proud of my girls and everything that they have done through this study and I know that they will be just fine without me, but I will miss them! Bible school has been fantastic. This last session I took Bible Doctrines, How to Study the Bible, and Righteousness. The first two classes were fairly basic and review for me, but the class on righteousness was amazing. It's a tough concept to grasp, but if you can get it it can truly set you free. I'm not sure what classes are coming up next for me, but I'm excited to continue on this journey, and I'm really excited to share about the things coming up in my life. That post is coming soon...in like 2 weeks :)

These aren't my girls, but don't they look happy!

Ode to Excedrin Migraine

You left
Gone
Recalled
I did not miss you
I did not need you
I could get by without you
I didn't even realize you were gone
Until today
Today I hurt
Pain
Ache
Migraine
Where were you
On the shelf
Right where you belonged
I bought you
I swallowed you
I waited
I watched the second hand
Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
1,800 tick-tocks later
No more ache
No more pain
You did your job
I'm glad you're back

Negativity

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I am sickeningly optimistic, positive, and perky. I love all things pink and sparkly. I have happiness oozing out my pores. Negativity is not something that I do well with. Generally when negative comments are spoken I counter with something positive no matter how ridiculous my comment may be. I build people up...it's what I do.

Lately I feel negativity creeping in my life. I don't know if I am hormonal, tired, or just over it, but it makes me want to give up the optimism and positivity and just be one of those jaded, cynical women that complain all the time...okay, not really. But I do want to complain. I want to complain about my job, I want to complain about people in my life who frustrate me, I want to complain about my schedule, I want to complain about all the injustices I suffer, I want to complain about all those little things that irritate me to no end! But I won't. I know it sounds like an afterschool special, but something I've learned through my life is that complaining doesn't fix anything. It makes you feel good for a little while. It makes you feel justified. It makes you feel entitled. It's a vicious cycle though. Ultimately the more you complain the worse you feel. I know that if I can stop the cycle of negativity early on then I'll feel better. Bad things happen, you deal with them and move on to happier things. So that's what I am going to do today. Wish me luck!

What might have been

For the last few weeks I have been anticipating that today...well, really this whole month...would be very difficult for me. See, today is what would have been my 7th wedding anniversary. A year ago this month is when my then-husband and I started having discussions about the state of our marriage, when he started focusing more time and attention on another woman, when he left my home for the first time, and when he had an affair with the woman that he lives with today. All of which led to the eventual demise of my marriage. There are many sad and painful memories that surface with the reminder that today is a day that I expected to celebrate for the rest of my life. Now it is the day that I mourn the loss of my marriage, the loss of my best friend, the loss of my family, the loss of what might have been.

Yesterday while discussing the looming of this day with some friends of mine someone told me that maybe everything I went through last year will be the best thing that ever happened to me. She told me that I was back to being Ali and, to her, that made it all worth it. I'm inclined to agree. Today I'm not sad, in fact, I am happy. Today I am happier, stronger, more at peace, and more fulfilled than I have been in a very long time.

The surfacing of difficult memories doesn't have to be painful. I've learned so much from what I've gone through in the last year and I am far better for it. Today I will not mourn what might have been, instead I choose to look to the future and celebrate what will be. Celebrate with me!

Busy

So, I have a lot on my plate right now. Too much in fact. "So why are you wasting time blogging?" you may ask. Well, blogging helps me get my thoughts in order. Helps me clear my brain out a little. So, what is making me so busy?

1) Work. Work is super busy right now, and although my job isn't "hard" per se it is busy. We always have something going on that I have my hands in and it seems that lately project after project keeps appearing on my desk or in my inbox. It's a little overwhelming sometimes, but I think I'm keeping a handle on it.

2) School. Yep, school. I started Bible school this week. The International Bible Training Center. IBTC is a fully accredited Bible school that happens to have been started by my sister and brother-in-law. My sister suggested that I enroll and I agreed that it was a great idea. Because it is my sister's school it would be really easy to shrug school off and not take it seriously, but that's not me. I love school and I am actually really excited to get my books and a couple of notebooks and folders and start listening to lectures and doing homework...Yay for school!

3) Church. All of a sudden I've become very involved in church. The last 8 months I've gone to church every Sunday and I've been involved in small groups. I am now on the "Serve Team" and am a greeter. I've been asked to lead one of our Ladies Bible Study groups (I am so honored and humbled to have been asked to do this!) and I am involved in 2 other small groups at church...although I think I am going to drop one of them.

4) Life. I have a move coming up in about 90 days! I am a single mother. I have a house to get in order, stuff to sell, dinners to make, laundry to do, homework to help with, footballs to throw, games to play, football to watch, and I have sleep and maybe workout somewhere in there, lol.

So, life is busy, but it's good. We'll see how all this goes and if my plate is too full. If it is then I'll clean it off some and rearrange until everything fits just right!

Holiday, Football and Decisions

Has it really been 2 weeks since my last blog?! Oops! I've got a little bit going on right now, not anything huge. While reading over what I've written I realize that this maybe should have been more than one blog, but stick with me, there's some good stuff in here.

Riley and I went to visit my parents in Pittsburgh over Labor Day weekend. It's about a 6 1/2 hour drive, so not too bad. Riley is a fantastic traveler...he always has been. On both the way there and the way back we listened to a book on CD, he played his DS a little, but surprisingly not too much, we snacked, and only had to stop a couple of times (on the way back we only stopped once!). Minion was a different story. Despite being given a dog-sized dose of Dramamine she got car sick...a lot. She did much better on the way home, but that dog definitely does not like car rides! It was a good trip. We haven't been to visit them since they moved a little over a year ago. We got to visit their church and meet their friends and we did a little bit of touristy stuff, but we mainly got to spend time together and I got to take naps. It was a successful mini-vaca.

Downtown Pittsburgh, Heinz Field, and Three Rivers

NFL regular season kicked off last night (Finally!) As you well know I have been waiting for this day for 6 long months! I had a fantasy football draft last night while we watched the game. This is my second fantasy football league and it's with all boys. I don't mind being the only girl playing with the boys, but it is a little intimidating to sit in a room full of boys having to make your team picks. I know what I'm doing and I know what I'm talking about when it comes to fantasy football and why I draft who I draft, but there was a part of me that felt like I had to prove myself...I wonder what that's about? I can definitely jump in and be "one of the guys," but I'm pretty sure that my sighing over the Clay Matthews commercial that they played over and over and over again seemed to remind everyone that I am definitely still a girl...come on, look how yummy

Oh, sorry, the game. The Cowboys beat the Giants 24 to 17 (much to the pleasure of my older brother Paul) and became the first team in the history of the current opening game format (The reigning Superbowl Champs play in a weeknight opening game at home) to beat the current Superbowl Champs...sorry Giants :( oh, and Ahmad Bradshaw got me 14 fantasy points...not a bad start to the season!

Over the last 9 months I have been faced with decisions I never anticipated making in my life. If you remember back in my New Year's Resolution post one of my New Year's resolutions was to move to Florida this year. This was my intention...a deep desire of my heart. I still want to move to Florida. This is still a deep desire of my heart. I just don't know that the timing is for this year. Here's the thing. I am now a 30-year-old, divorced, single mother who is starting her life over...not really something you plan on. During my marriage we made a decision to put my husband through school and focus on his career so that he could be successful, be promoted, put us in a good financial situation so that I could then stay at home and at that point finish my education. Well, we put my husband through school, he was promoted, he was successful, then he left. Right now the reality is I could move to Florida, get a job or two, live paycheck to paycheck and figure out how to make ends meet. I could, somehow, go back to school in the midst of this and maybe 10 years down the road or so I could begin to possibly have some sort of career and dig myself out of the financial holes that I am in now and that will ultimately get deeper as I struggle through the next long stretch of life. I don't want that. I don't want that for me and I don't want that for Riley. I could stay in Louisville with a scenario similar to the one that I just portrayed. I don't want that for us either. So, what's the other option? I could move us to Pittsburgh for a little while. My parents have graciously offered their home, their time, and their wisdom to help me. By moving to Pittsburgh I would have the opportunity to get a job or two, not live paycheck to paycheck, but to work my way out of debt, complete or at least complete more of my education, and put Riley and myself in the best possible situation that I can to eventually move to Florida. Seems like a good idea, right? So what's stopping me from jumping on this option? A few things.

1. I want to make sure that God is okay with it. As good as a plan may look on paper, if it's not what God wants it isn't going to work.

2. My ex-husband. Terry, knowing that the deep desire of my heart was to move to Florida this year, moved with his girlfriend to Florida in May. As much as I wanted to move to Florida this year, and ideally this summer, I had no solid plans in place to do so, and sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to. Regardless of intentions, motives, or timing of anyone's move, the fact remains that if we move to Pittsburgh Riley will be there while his dad is 900 miles away in Florida. I don't love this idea. I think that they can still have a relationship, I think they can still have a good relationship, even with the distance. I think it will take hard work and creativity, but it can be done.

3. Riley. Riley is okay with this idea. We talked about it and he thinks it would be cool to live with Mama and Pop in Pittsburgh for a while. I know that he would much rather live in our house and go to his school and for everything to stay the way he's always known it, but unfortunately that isn't an option. I am nervous about moving him away from what he's always known. I'm nervous about then moving him again a couple years later to a whole new state. I know that he's a kid and he's pretty resilient.How the divorce and the choices of his dad and myself will affect him is actually a far bigger concern for me than a big move. Moves can be exciting and adventurous and making new friends is fun and he's really good at it. But I still hesitate. Why? Because I am a mother. Because I want what is best for my son. Because I would do anything to protect him from any pain, discomfort, or trauma.

So why am I even considering a giant move to an unknown land? Because I am a mother. Because I want what is best for my son. Because I want to give him the best life that I can. Because I think that a stop in Pittsburgh may be exactly what we need on this journey to healing.

I'll be making a decision very soon, so if you think about it pray that I make the right one. Thanks :) Oh, and Go Pack!

Midweek Confessions

Ah! Midweek Confessions...the time of the week where you can bare your soul and all your ridiculousness for all the world to see...it's a beautiful thing!



*Yesterday I got up, got Riley and I ready, took care of the dog, got in the car and left the driveway. I was halfway to work when I heard "umm...Mommy? This isn't the way to Roby." Yep, I forgot to take Riley to school. So, 20 miles out of my way and 20 minutes late for work and I got my day started...stupid scatterbrainedness!


*Riley has a stuffed pig, his name is Petey. I also have a stuffed pig (Pinky), Riley's dad has one, and even Minion the dog has one...apparently to be a part of the family you must have a stuffed pig, idk. Anyway, Riley has had Petey since he was a baby...well, sort of. You see, I bought Petey before Riley was born. He loved that pig, and then one day when he was around a year old we lost Petey in Target. That was one of my worst Mommy moments. I cried...a lot. So, I got on Ebay and found another Petey...2 actually...and bought them. We gave Riley the pig and he didn't know the difference. We kept the spare Petey hidden in case we ever had a lost pig emergency, but we never needed him. Petey has been through a lot with Riley, he's gone everywhere, been chewed on (a lot), slept with, hugged and loved...and it shows. I sewed up some holes in Petey the other night, something I've done many times before, and I was amazed by how much love that pig has been given. I pulled out "new Petey" (the spare Petey) that hasn't been loved on. He's bright and soft and perfectly fluffy and new. He stays in Riley's baby box and one day, eventually, he will be joined by old Petey who is smelly and ratty and looks like he's been run over by a truck. Here, see for yourself:

I hope that everyone has something (someone) in their life that they can cling to and love so much!

*Okay, so I'm dealing with some jealousy. I can't begin to tell you how jealous I am that little girls these days get to enjoy trendy outfits that look like this:

(and yes, that cupcake does say Allie, it's spelled wrong, but it will do)
I would kill to be a 4-year-old in this day and age! Do you know what was trendy when I was a kid? Outfits like these:

This is my big sister, Liz, and I at my Kindergarten and her 8th Grade graduations. Yes, I am adorable, but that's beside the point. I would much rather have been in a tutu! Ah, the 80's. Oh, if you don't hear from me for a while it's because my big sister has killed my for putting this picture up on the blog!

Okay, so it's your turn! Link up with E at e, myself, and i and share your Midweek Confessions with the world. You'll love it, I promise!