Holiday, Football and Decisions

Has it really been 2 weeks since my last blog?! Oops! I've got a little bit going on right now, not anything huge. While reading over what I've written I realize that this maybe should have been more than one blog, but stick with me, there's some good stuff in here.

Riley and I went to visit my parents in Pittsburgh over Labor Day weekend. It's about a 6 1/2 hour drive, so not too bad. Riley is a fantastic traveler...he always has been. On both the way there and the way back we listened to a book on CD, he played his DS a little, but surprisingly not too much, we snacked, and only had to stop a couple of times (on the way back we only stopped once!). Minion was a different story. Despite being given a dog-sized dose of Dramamine she got car sick...a lot. She did much better on the way home, but that dog definitely does not like car rides! It was a good trip. We haven't been to visit them since they moved a little over a year ago. We got to visit their church and meet their friends and we did a little bit of touristy stuff, but we mainly got to spend time together and I got to take naps. It was a successful mini-vaca.

Downtown Pittsburgh, Heinz Field, and Three Rivers

NFL regular season kicked off last night (Finally!) As you well know I have been waiting for this day for 6 long months! I had a fantasy football draft last night while we watched the game. This is my second fantasy football league and it's with all boys. I don't mind being the only girl playing with the boys, but it is a little intimidating to sit in a room full of boys having to make your team picks. I know what I'm doing and I know what I'm talking about when it comes to fantasy football and why I draft who I draft, but there was a part of me that felt like I had to prove myself...I wonder what that's about? I can definitely jump in and be "one of the guys," but I'm pretty sure that my sighing over the Clay Matthews commercial that they played over and over and over again seemed to remind everyone that I am definitely still a girl...come on, look how yummy

Oh, sorry, the game. The Cowboys beat the Giants 24 to 17 (much to the pleasure of my older brother Paul) and became the first team in the history of the current opening game format (The reigning Superbowl Champs play in a weeknight opening game at home) to beat the current Superbowl Champs...sorry Giants :( oh, and Ahmad Bradshaw got me 14 fantasy points...not a bad start to the season!

Over the last 9 months I have been faced with decisions I never anticipated making in my life. If you remember back in my New Year's Resolution post one of my New Year's resolutions was to move to Florida this year. This was my intention...a deep desire of my heart. I still want to move to Florida. This is still a deep desire of my heart. I just don't know that the timing is for this year. Here's the thing. I am now a 30-year-old, divorced, single mother who is starting her life over...not really something you plan on. During my marriage we made a decision to put my husband through school and focus on his career so that he could be successful, be promoted, put us in a good financial situation so that I could then stay at home and at that point finish my education. Well, we put my husband through school, he was promoted, he was successful, then he left. Right now the reality is I could move to Florida, get a job or two, live paycheck to paycheck and figure out how to make ends meet. I could, somehow, go back to school in the midst of this and maybe 10 years down the road or so I could begin to possibly have some sort of career and dig myself out of the financial holes that I am in now and that will ultimately get deeper as I struggle through the next long stretch of life. I don't want that. I don't want that for me and I don't want that for Riley. I could stay in Louisville with a scenario similar to the one that I just portrayed. I don't want that for us either. So, what's the other option? I could move us to Pittsburgh for a little while. My parents have graciously offered their home, their time, and their wisdom to help me. By moving to Pittsburgh I would have the opportunity to get a job or two, not live paycheck to paycheck, but to work my way out of debt, complete or at least complete more of my education, and put Riley and myself in the best possible situation that I can to eventually move to Florida. Seems like a good idea, right? So what's stopping me from jumping on this option? A few things.

1. I want to make sure that God is okay with it. As good as a plan may look on paper, if it's not what God wants it isn't going to work.

2. My ex-husband. Terry, knowing that the deep desire of my heart was to move to Florida this year, moved with his girlfriend to Florida in May. As much as I wanted to move to Florida this year, and ideally this summer, I had no solid plans in place to do so, and sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to. Regardless of intentions, motives, or timing of anyone's move, the fact remains that if we move to Pittsburgh Riley will be there while his dad is 900 miles away in Florida. I don't love this idea. I think that they can still have a relationship, I think they can still have a good relationship, even with the distance. I think it will take hard work and creativity, but it can be done.

3. Riley. Riley is okay with this idea. We talked about it and he thinks it would be cool to live with Mama and Pop in Pittsburgh for a while. I know that he would much rather live in our house and go to his school and for everything to stay the way he's always known it, but unfortunately that isn't an option. I am nervous about moving him away from what he's always known. I'm nervous about then moving him again a couple years later to a whole new state. I know that he's a kid and he's pretty resilient.How the divorce and the choices of his dad and myself will affect him is actually a far bigger concern for me than a big move. Moves can be exciting and adventurous and making new friends is fun and he's really good at it. But I still hesitate. Why? Because I am a mother. Because I want what is best for my son. Because I would do anything to protect him from any pain, discomfort, or trauma.

So why am I even considering a giant move to an unknown land? Because I am a mother. Because I want what is best for my son. Because I want to give him the best life that I can. Because I think that a stop in Pittsburgh may be exactly what we need on this journey to healing.

I'll be making a decision very soon, so if you think about it pray that I make the right one. Thanks :) Oh, and Go Pack!

Midweek Confessions

Ah! Midweek Confessions...the time of the week where you can bare your soul and all your ridiculousness for all the world to see...it's a beautiful thing!



*Yesterday I got up, got Riley and I ready, took care of the dog, got in the car and left the driveway. I was halfway to work when I heard "umm...Mommy? This isn't the way to Roby." Yep, I forgot to take Riley to school. So, 20 miles out of my way and 20 minutes late for work and I got my day started...stupid scatterbrainedness!


*Riley has a stuffed pig, his name is Petey. I also have a stuffed pig (Pinky), Riley's dad has one, and even Minion the dog has one...apparently to be a part of the family you must have a stuffed pig, idk. Anyway, Riley has had Petey since he was a baby...well, sort of. You see, I bought Petey before Riley was born. He loved that pig, and then one day when he was around a year old we lost Petey in Target. That was one of my worst Mommy moments. I cried...a lot. So, I got on Ebay and found another Petey...2 actually...and bought them. We gave Riley the pig and he didn't know the difference. We kept the spare Petey hidden in case we ever had a lost pig emergency, but we never needed him. Petey has been through a lot with Riley, he's gone everywhere, been chewed on (a lot), slept with, hugged and loved...and it shows. I sewed up some holes in Petey the other night, something I've done many times before, and I was amazed by how much love that pig has been given. I pulled out "new Petey" (the spare Petey) that hasn't been loved on. He's bright and soft and perfectly fluffy and new. He stays in Riley's baby box and one day, eventually, he will be joined by old Petey who is smelly and ratty and looks like he's been run over by a truck. Here, see for yourself:

I hope that everyone has something (someone) in their life that they can cling to and love so much!

*Okay, so I'm dealing with some jealousy. I can't begin to tell you how jealous I am that little girls these days get to enjoy trendy outfits that look like this:

(and yes, that cupcake does say Allie, it's spelled wrong, but it will do)
I would kill to be a 4-year-old in this day and age! Do you know what was trendy when I was a kid? Outfits like these:

This is my big sister, Liz, and I at my Kindergarten and her 8th Grade graduations. Yes, I am adorable, but that's beside the point. I would much rather have been in a tutu! Ah, the 80's. Oh, if you don't hear from me for a while it's because my big sister has killed my for putting this picture up on the blog!

Okay, so it's your turn! Link up with E at e, myself, and i and share your Midweek Confessions with the world. You'll love it, I promise!

Dear Monday

Today I am linking up with The Happy Day Blog for Dear Monday.


Dear Monday,
This weekend was pretty good. Great night on Friday, pool all day with Riley on Saturday, Church on Sunday, Growth Track 301 and then Spades with friends on Sunday night, the house is clean, the laundry is done...you're all set up to be a great start to the week, let's not screw this up!

Dear Co-Workers,
Thank you for my birthday baloons, the pretty orchids, and the sparkly cupcake card last week. They made my day and having them here the week after my birthday just made the celebration last longer.

Dear Tomorrow,
You are the first day of school for JCPS, therefore the first day of CEP (before and after school care) for this school year. Please go easy on us all and be a smooth day!

Dear Riley,
I love you so much! I hope that I am the mother that you need me to be to raise you to be the best kid you can be.

Dear NFL Preseason,
You suck! You are a tease and a let down and I don't like you at all!

Dear September 5th,
Get here faster, I'm ready for real football.

What do you have to say to Monday?

3rd Grade!

They just never stop growing, do they? My baby started 3rd grade today! One should never turn 30 and have a child start 3rd grade in the same week--man do I feel old! I'm so proud of Riley. He's growing up so much! We had a great prayer time this morning, took our first day of school pictures, and I sent him off to school. I think he's going to have a great year!


First Day of 3rd Grade!

Let's see how much he's grown over the years, shall we?


First day of Preschool


First day of Kindergarten


First day of 1st Grade


First day of 2nd Grade


First day of 3rd Grade

He's so tall these days! He loves his new backpack this year. I miss the cartoon backpacks sometimes, it seems like he grew out of those so fast!

Have fun in 3rd Grade, Riley! Go get 'em!

Thoughts about 30

Today is a big day. I turn 30 today. This is a day I have been both excited about and dreading for a while now. When I was going through my divorce earlier this year I was so sad at the thought of turning 30 and being alone single. As my divorce got messier I couldn't wait to turn 30 and leave my ex-husband my past my 20's behind me. Now that this day is here I can't figure out how I feel about it.

I spent Friday and Saturday nights out with a good friend celebrating both our birthdays (but really just hanging out, catching up, and being silly).

It was a really nice breath of fresh air. We met new people, laughed ourselves silly, and did a lot of people watching. It was a great weekend.

I <3 this picture

So, I feel like 30 years is a long time to have lived. All the people that are older than me assure me that I'm not old and have a long way to go until I am...I love that thought! Here are some lessons that I have learned in my last 30 years

1. SHARE!



When I was little I learned to share my things. As I grew older I learned that while sharing toys is wonderful, there are more important things that need to be shared. Share your time. Share your thoughts and your feelings. Share a hug. Share a smile. Share a compliment. Share the credit. Share your heart. Share your life. Opening yourself up and sharing might make you vulnerable. It might make getting hurt a little easier, but it also keeps you soft, it keeps you open, it keeps you connected.

2. Don't Give Up!



When I was in high school I was a cheerleader. We were good...really good. My sophomore year we were preparing for a string of competitions coming up. One of the integral members of our squad broke her collarbone. We reworked our routine and the week before competition another integral member of our squad broke her hand. We reworked the routine again and someone else got hurt. The morning of the competition we showed up at school to get ready to go and someone else was hurt. It was 3 hours before we were to compete and we were down to 9 squad members. It was so tempting to just quit. What could we possibly do? We reworked the routine again and decided to try anyway. Minutes before we were to go on we were practicing and every stunt was falling and we were having trouble keeping it together through all the changes. Our coaches left us with a pep talk and a smile and left backstage sure that it was going to be a disaster. Well, we went out there and competed. We came in 3rd...our rag-tag little bunch. It was a good day. Throughout life I've learned that you have to keep trying. It is inevitable that you will fail, sometimes success doesn't look the way you want it to, and a lot of times it seems like it may have been a waste to try so hard...but it's not. Whether it's weight loss, marriage, career, children, sports, whatever it is that you want...don't give up!

3. Surround yourself with people who can make you smile!



I don't know who these girls are, but I love this picture. I have been so blessed in my life to have girl friends that would totally do something like this!
I love to smile. I love to laugh. I think that it is so important to have people in your life that inspire you to do both. Having friends that you can laugh with and cry with is a very important piece of life!

4. Be true to who you are!



I spent a lot of time in my life trying to be who someone else wanted me to be. I've tried to impress people. I've tried to please people. I've tried to fit in. I've tried to contort myself into other's molds of who and what I should be. I don't do that anymore. Just because you like dirt bikes doesn't mean I have to for us to get along. Just because I like showtunes doesn't mean that you have to for us to get along. This was a hard concept for me to get, but I have it now. Our uniqueness is what makes this world such a beautiful place (I know, I know, I sound like an afterschool special). Just be yourself and never, never let anyone make you feel bad for being you!



5. Be spontaneous and try new things!

You can spend your whole life carefully planning every move. You can analyze a decision forever. Sometimes you just have to take a risk and do something spontaneous and out of the ordinary. Recently I got bored on a Friday night and cut myself some bangs. I haven't had bangs since high school. Once I got a haircut and they gave me bangs when I didn't want them and they looked awful. Ever since then I have been very careful to explicitly tell hairdressers that I did NOT want bangs. Later on I got married and my husband did not like bangs, short hair, or black hair, so those were the rules that I told my hairdresser she had to follow...anything else was fair game. So, what got into me on this random Friday night? I have no idea, but the thought popped in my head so I watched some YouTube videos on how to do it and I took the plunge and cut them. I'm so glad I did! It totally changed up my look and I have gotten so many compliments on them! It was exactly what I needed! I realize that this is a story about hair, and let's face it, hair isn't going to change your life, but taking a little risk and having a spontaneous moment without talking myself out of it was so refreshing!



6. It could always be worse!

I've gone through some tough stuff in my life. Don't get me wrong, life has been mostly good and I am very blessed, however, there have been some rough times in my life. One thing I've learned is that things could always be worse. I'm too thankful for the positive things that have filled my last 30 years to dwell on the negative pieces. Those negative pieces have shaped me into who I am just as much as those positive ones have. So, when things get bad just think...it could always be worse. Apparently my mom thinks so too!




My last 30 years were filled with joy, sorrow, pain, laughter, love, tears, heartache, fun, friendship, failures, sunshine, shadows...they have been filled with life! I know that I have so far to go and so much life left to live, and I'm looking forward to seeing what my 30s hold for me!

Here's to 30! Let the adventure begin continue!

Midweek Confessions

It's that time again!



It's been a while since I've done Midweek Confessions and I miss it!

*I bake when I'm bored, or when I'm upset, or when I'm happy...okay, I bake all the time! I made these babies on Monday and brought them to work and was told I was Satan...twice! That means they were really good!


*I get to go school supply shopping this weekend! I love school supplies. The smell of new crayons, the crisp, fresh notebooks, the smooth, bright yellow pencils. I may or may not begrudge the fact that I don't get to use said supplies and Riley gets them instead.



*When my ex-husband and I first separated and the chances of our marriage making it were dismal I began to dread the thought of dating. Small talk, bad personalities, baggage...ick. However, a few weeks ago I realized that I'm not hung-up on my ex-husband anymore (that happened when I wasn't looking). I also realized that I missed testosterone in my life. I just wanted to talk about football and video games for a little while! So, I put myself out there and went on some dates! You know what I realized? I'm kind of awesome. I'm smart and funny, I'm not bad to look at, and I'm (surprisingly) good at small talk and first dates...who knew? Dating is fun!



*I got an email this morning that made me really really happy. Did I win a sweepstakes? No. Did I hear from an old friend? No. Did I get a promotion? No. The email I got was an invite for my Fantasy Football league! I was so excited! This means that it's almost football season!!! I will leave you with my Fantasy Sports profile. If you look on the right-hand side you will see a trophy. "What's that trophy for?" you may ask...League Champ...I heart Fantasy Football!

Living

So, once again I've been on a bit of a blogging hiatus. But, here I am. I have people ask me all the time "How are you?" Granted, this is a pretty common question in general, but I feel that, in my case, it's often a loaded question. People know what I've been through. They know what I've been dealing with for the past 10 months (has it really been that long?!). Most of the time my answer is "Good! :)" because when I'm around people that is generally how I am doing. But lately I feel like I am just surviving. I'm getting through life, but I'm not really living it.

I know why. I'm not living life because I don't want to face life. I've had some major decisions hanging over my head...decisions that I have to make very soon, decisions that I don't want to make. I have some things that I have to sort out, things I have to figure out how to do on my own. I've started dating a little so I've had to figure out how that works. It's hard!

I had a life that I was comfortable in. A life that I knew how to live. I knew what I was doing. I knew where I was going. It was, for the most part, under control...or so I thought. But, looking back I realize that I was just surviving in that life too. It was familiar so it wasn't scary like this stage is, but it still wasn't living.

At church on Sunday the sermon was on "The Good Life." It was about what is a good life...basically it's a life surrendered to God. Doing what He wants you to do rather than just what you want. It was a timely message and one that I needed to hear.

I turn 30 next week and I want to be able to put the past behind me and start a new decade of living!