Ode to Excedrin Migraine

You left
Gone
Recalled
I did not miss you
I did not need you
I could get by without you
I didn't even realize you were gone
Until today
Today I hurt
Pain
Ache
Migraine
Where were you
On the shelf
Right where you belonged
I bought you
I swallowed you
I waited
I watched the second hand
Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
1,800 tick-tocks later
No more ache
No more pain
You did your job
I'm glad you're back

Negativity

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I am sickeningly optimistic, positive, and perky. I love all things pink and sparkly. I have happiness oozing out my pores. Negativity is not something that I do well with. Generally when negative comments are spoken I counter with something positive no matter how ridiculous my comment may be. I build people up...it's what I do.

Lately I feel negativity creeping in my life. I don't know if I am hormonal, tired, or just over it, but it makes me want to give up the optimism and positivity and just be one of those jaded, cynical women that complain all the time...okay, not really. But I do want to complain. I want to complain about my job, I want to complain about people in my life who frustrate me, I want to complain about my schedule, I want to complain about all the injustices I suffer, I want to complain about all those little things that irritate me to no end! But I won't. I know it sounds like an afterschool special, but something I've learned through my life is that complaining doesn't fix anything. It makes you feel good for a little while. It makes you feel justified. It makes you feel entitled. It's a vicious cycle though. Ultimately the more you complain the worse you feel. I know that if I can stop the cycle of negativity early on then I'll feel better. Bad things happen, you deal with them and move on to happier things. So that's what I am going to do today. Wish me luck!

What might have been

For the last few weeks I have been anticipating that today...well, really this whole month...would be very difficult for me. See, today is what would have been my 7th wedding anniversary. A year ago this month is when my then-husband and I started having discussions about the state of our marriage, when he started focusing more time and attention on another woman, when he left my home for the first time, and when he had an affair with the woman that he lives with today. All of which led to the eventual demise of my marriage. There are many sad and painful memories that surface with the reminder that today is a day that I expected to celebrate for the rest of my life. Now it is the day that I mourn the loss of my marriage, the loss of my best friend, the loss of my family, the loss of what might have been.

Yesterday while discussing the looming of this day with some friends of mine someone told me that maybe everything I went through last year will be the best thing that ever happened to me. She told me that I was back to being Ali and, to her, that made it all worth it. I'm inclined to agree. Today I'm not sad, in fact, I am happy. Today I am happier, stronger, more at peace, and more fulfilled than I have been in a very long time.

The surfacing of difficult memories doesn't have to be painful. I've learned so much from what I've gone through in the last year and I am far better for it. Today I will not mourn what might have been, instead I choose to look to the future and celebrate what will be. Celebrate with me!